Talk:Sixth Grade Social Studies: The Silk Road/@comment-24650453-20140306223505/@comment-6676316-20140306233746

Your short write is very nice overall, there are some minor details to keep in mind for the text as a whole, for example, making sure that you have commas after mentioning time. In the March 5, 2014 entry, for example, a comma should be added after "As of right now," as that tells the reader that your perspective is in the present.

An additional tweak to the March 5, 2014 entry could be that you already converted the $500 to the 752750.17 Lebanese pounds, so you are prepared to buy things when you arrive in Lebanon in the March 6, 2014 entry (such as the cinnamon roll).

With the March 6, 2014 entry, a few words and commas could be added to make the sentences flow better. At the moment, one sentence reads "When I bit into it burned my tongue but it tasted so good." To improve this, the sentence could be changed to something like "When I bit into the roll, it burned my tongue, but it tasted divine" (this is of course an example, you may choose to use other words). The following sentence makes it sound like you are foreshadowing that you plan to kill your character, "I knew this would be my last American meal so I bought another one." To prevent such a misconception, you could say, "I knew this would be my last American meal for some time, so I bought another one."

The March 7, 2014 entry could benefit from commas added to one sentence, "Outside my window, there is a view of this really amazing rock that looks like an arch, and when it reflects off the ocean, it looks like there is a rock circle." The commas should be added in this case to break up the list of descriptions that you have placed in the sentence.

The March 8, 2014 entry currently has where you went to learn information, but needs to have who did you interview (maybe the family you are staying with?), when did you interview them (was it during the day or night?), what questions did you ask during your interview, and how did you record the information (did you use your tablet?).

You have excellent details in these entries, keep up the great work!